What comes to mind when you think about romantic love? A bouquet of red roses? Physical attraction? Dancing in the moonlight or sharing a candlelit dinner?
Maybe romantic love means being so strongly drawn to another person that you cannot imagine a life without them. Or maybe romantic love is about finding your “soulmate” or “the one”, the one who “completes you,” as Jerry Maguire put it. But is that the essence of real love or just part of it?
Does truly loving another person mean we will experience a sense of excitement similar to discovering a treasure, a sense that I’ve found something deeply valuable for me? Or is real love about something different, something more?
Jesus Displays the Ultimate Example of Love
We began our journey in a garden, and we conclude in a garden to see one of the greatest ever examples of real love.
In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus is facing certain death. He’s been betrayed, and the killers are closing in. He can stay true to what God has asked him to do, which includes being brutally murdered, or he can break from God’s will and either fight back with violence or simply run away. And he wrestles with the choice—“Please, remove this cup [this responsibility] from me,” he pleads, asking his Father in Heaven if there is any other way (Luke 22:42).
Like every human, he instinctively wants to survive. But he doesn’t operate on instinct alone, saying to the Father, “Not what I will, but what you will” (Luke 22:42)
Even though what God has asked him to do will cause significant suffering, Jesus stays. He gives himself for the well-being of all humanity and creation. In love, he gives himself for the sake of others.
Jesus is God’s love (khesed) in human form, and his love restores life and partnership between God and humanity. In humility, Jesus chooses to value others above himself. He does not look to his own interests but instead to the interests of the others (Philippians 2:3-4).
This kind of love asks: What is best for the other? How can I best care for and bring life to the other?
The Apostle John says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us” (1 John 3:16).
The heart of true love is the willingness to give oneself to another, creating an ecosystem of others-focused, self-giving love. Surely this is the kind of love so many of us are looking for.
What Do We Really Want?
Those who remain sceptical towards popular ideas of romantic love might argue that the idea of finding “the one” or a single person who “completes” you for the rest of your life is ridiculous. After all, one person could not possibly satisfy all your needs or make you happy or fulfil your deepest desires for the rest of your life. The biblical authors might very well agree with this conclusion.
The stories in the Bible seem to collectively suggest that no single human being can satisfy your needs. And the expectation to do all of that might end in disappointment and confusion. But what if that wasn’t bad news? What if that self-focused approach is a trap and is not truly the “romantic” love we really want? What if the Bible’s definition of real love is deeper, more passionate, and more human?
What happens when romantic love becomes outwardly expressive? What if love meant working alongside one another for the flourishing and good of the world? What if it meant doing right by the other person, even though suffering or at the expense of your immediate satisfaction? What if it meant taking actions to preserve and protect the other?
What if romantic love was actually not something you fall into but something you choose, something as difficult as it is fulfilling?
Maybe this doesn’t sound ideal. Roses and champagne and long walks on the beach seem much more appealing. Maybe love can start with feelings of attraction and desire, and maybe those initial feelings can expand and deepen when we are putting the other person’s well-being above our own while they are simultaneously doing the same for us. Can you imagine someone seeing you, in all of your ordinariness and quirkiness and imperfection, and staying committed to you no matter what? And not just staying but caring, forgiving, blessing, and loving without end, all while you’re doing the same in return?
In all our relationships, romantic and otherwise, may we look to Jesus and his ultimate example of what it means to love another person. What wondrous love is this? “To lay down one’s life for one’s friends”
John 15:13: “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” (SHARA DRIMALLA & THE BIBLE PROJECT TEAM)
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We Help People Experience the Bible as a Unified Story That Leads to Jesus.
We are a nonprofit, crowdfunded organization that makes free resources like videos, podcasts, articles, and classes to help people experience the Bible in a way that is approachable and transformative. We do this by showcasing the literary art of the Scriptures and tracing key biblical themes from Genesis to Revelation. The Bible project content is available on their website: www.bibleproject.com, or social media platforms: facebook, instagram, youtube, twitter, pinterest, spotify and tiktok.